No amount of modern science or situational ethics can erase the fact that your sexuality is about more than your body.
While God commands you to save sexual intimacy for marriage, your sexuality is something that is always there even when sex isn't a part of your life. Because we tend to only talk about the physical act of sex, we ignore the fact that it's our sexuality that ultimately drives us into relationship, makes us desire marriage, expresses our longing to be known, heard, understood, and protected—our longing to be vulnerable, soul to soul, with another person, and ultimately, our longing to be known by God. As a single person, your sexuality serves a purpose.
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The overemphasis on the act of sex often makes us miss the fact that sexuality is about intimacy and relationship. I was recently talking with a woman in her thirties who had lived a season of life as a bisexual. Over the past few years, she became convicted that her sexual relationships were not what God wanted for her life.
Yet she was still confused about what that meant.
In our world, the two ideas have become intertwined. In fact, sexual intimacy is just one aspect of intimacy. I have intimate relationships with men and women, but I am not having sex with them. A core aspect of our sexuality is the yearning to be known and to share intimately with another person.
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Yes, that is expressed in its fullness in marriage. Yet, my sexuality as a woman deeply impacts how I relate to others outside the bedroom. This means that married men and women should be learning mysteries of God as they experience sex together. I believe singles can also understand something deeper about God through their sexuality. Jesus talked about how we will mourn and long for the Bridegroom when he is not with us. We will ache for his presence and have deep longings that are unmet.
Singles definitely get this! Here are a few examples:.
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Married and single women have a lot more in common than they realize. I think we do each other a great disservice when we compartmentalize sexual conversations to single and married women. Do you know that many married women struggle with sexual frustration and temptations? Sexual purity is a battle throughout adulthood. It simply takes a different form in marriage. Why is this important for you to know as a single? Single or married, yielding your sexuality under the lordship of Christ will always be a challenge.
Instead, how can you express your sexuality in ways that are honoring to God and that validate your longings for intimacy? Here are a few thoughts:. Guard your mind. There is a break and a divorce, and a new, fresher physical attraction comes with another marriage which in turn may last only until it, too, becomes stale. The love of which the Lord speaks is not only physical attraction, but spiritual attraction as well. It is faith and confidence in, and understanding of, one another. It is a total partnership.
It is companionship with common ideals and standards. It is unselfishness toward and sacrifice for one another. It is cleanliness of thought and action and faith in God and his program. It is parenthood in mortality ever looking toward godhood and creationship, and parenthood of spirits. It is vast, all-inclusive, and limitless.
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This kind of love never tires or wanes. The marriage covenant does not give the man the right to enslave her, or to abuse her, or to use her merely for the gratification of his passion. That is all, and all the family life should be kept clean and worthy and on a very high plane. Our relationship to Christ informs each level, making us not only more like Him, but more like the spouse we were created to be. Of course, a damaged or distant relationship with Jesus also informs how each of these aspects operates. Often the physical part of us, including our behaviors, is the place we start our evaluation for the simple reason that it's the part that "shows.
This physical part, our body, is what Christ called His temple. The physical union of our bodies was planned to be a picture of the joy we will have when finally joined with Christ at his return, our spiritual marriage. This is not to say our union with Christ will be sexual, but that our earthly expressions of sexuality in marriage are the closest approximation to the unity, joy and pleasurable fulfillment we will experience in heaven. But, other, immediate applications include being a good steward of our temple as an act of gratitude and obedience.
Now let's dive underwater and look at the bigger parts of us we can't see. Our minds are constantly thinking, feeling, analyzing information and experiencing deep emotions. Christ says to renew our minds, which is a big process, constantly taking place as new and old thoughts and feelings collide and come to the surface.
When two people are tending to this chore in their own minds, it can be the difference between a marriage that thrives and one that flounders. Specific to our sexual union, two renewed minds lead to thoughtful, sensitive lovers, who are more likely to find sexual fulfillment rather than just going through the motions. If we really get down to the unseen bulk of who we are we find the spirit. Even now, this part of our being is most like God.
Here is our core, the very essence of who we are and who we're becoming. This part influences and directs our minds and bodies.
How much more, then, do we need to nurture and maintain ourselves at this level than any other? And how much better lovers will we be if our spirits make us pure, loving and trustworthy?